Paula Deen

Today my mom, Curtis {a friend from church}, and I went to The Metroploitan Cooking and Entertaining Show in Houston at the Relient Hall.  There were over 100 exhibitor booths featuring all kinds of food products and kitchen wear, but the main attraction was PAULA DEEN!  Yes, we saw Paula Deen and it's a good thing that the event was called the "cooking and entertaining" show because we saw almost NO cooking and ALL entertaining!  Paula Deen was a hoot!

Before Paula Deen came out we heard a few stories from Heloise who is the author of "Helpful Hints from Heloise".  I had no idea who she was, but I'm guessing she is on a food show because lots of people were very excited to see her.

Then it was time for Paula Deen!  She came out with a crutch and she said, "Hi yall!  I bet yall are thinkin' that I'm hurt because of this cane I'm carryin', but I'm just fine.  A good friend of mine from Houston who makes beautiful wooden spoons said that he made me somethin' new.  He delivered it to me right before the show and this is it.  It's a boot saver!"  

Of course we didn't know what a boot saver was so she demonstrated for us. "You know how little boys can use the bathroom outside and pee all the way across the house.  Well for older men, they can't reach across the house anymore.  So this contraption here helps the men make sure they don't pee on their boots.  They just lean on it right here and flop it out, place it on this little slide, and go!  Maybe my husband Michael and can demonstrate for us.  Come on out Michael!"  He was a bit embarassed by the way she introduced him, but he quickly joined in the jokes and was a great addition to the show!

Demonstrating the Boot Saver

Paula Deen and her husband Michael
wondering what she's going to say next.

Paula introduced us to all her friends that were at the show including her hair dresser and her make-up artist.  Her husband called them "magicians."  Paula didn't think that was too funny, even though she told storied about how she didn't dress up or put on make-up the entire summer and she thought she was a "hot momma" after they were finished with her.  She called her hair dresser "precious" and that she calls him one of her sons.  {On a sweet note, she said that you don't have to give birth to someone to love them like your own.}

She had several sons along...including her body guard who was a black man.  She brought him up on stage but he was not happy about being up there.  She kept telling him, "Oh, come on! I'm not going to embarass you.  I won't tell them about that time you had diarrear at the restaurant.  And come give the audience a big ole' smile.  He has gorgeous teeth.  He used to have all these gold teeth, but he got them fixed and has Paula Deen teeth!"  He refused to smile and turned and walked off the stage.  Paula's husband Michael chimed in and said, "He's the black sheep of the family!"

Paula Deen's hairdresser and make-up artist in the audience

She laughed the entire time!

So Paula was supposed to show us how to make bacon wrapped chicken, macaroni and cheese, and apple pound cake.  She didn't show us how to make a darn thing!  Her husband and another cook prepared the food behind her while she talked the entire time.  Every now and then she would say to the two cooking, "Yall catch us up on what yall are doing, but I'm going to keep on talking."  Her husband would roll his eyes because he couldn't get a word in and say a single thing about the food.  While making the macaroni she turned and looked at the dish and said, "Did yall bake it?  It doensn't look like the time I made it before.  Where's the cheese?!"  Michael said, "I put all the cheese in it."  Well, Paula thought it needed more cheese, so Michael asked her sarcastically, "Do you want to tell us how to make it?"  and Paula bluntly said, "No!"  Then she turned to us and said, "Yall can watch me up to three times a day on tv and hear me talk about how to make food.  I just want to talk to you today.  Any of you can make these dishes, just follow the recipe."

Micheal also had a few more stories to share.  Here's one:  The night before they had went to a restaurant and the waitress had a very low top on with big bossoms.  Michael leaned over and told Paula that every time the waitress comes by he wants to ask her for some milk.  So the the next time the waitress walked by Paula told the waitress what Michael had said!  He was shocked and said that it was a secret, and she told him, "Well, you didn't tell me it was a secret!"  As the waitress continued to check on them she would ask, "Can I get you anything...tea, water, rolls, ketchup, or MILK!"

Here's another story he told:  While in Savannah, their hometown, Michael and Paula were in a small store and lady walked up to Paula and said, "Oh we just love having you in our town!"  Paula said "thank you" and asked her to go talk to Michael while she finished shopping.  So the lady found Michael and told him, "We just love your momma!"  Paula looked over and found Michael laughing histarically with this lady so she went over to check it out.  Michael had told her what the lady had said, so Paula turned back around and went to go find the lady and asked her, "What on earth do you mean - his momma?!"

Throughout the entire show, Michael kept telling her, "Yes, momaa."  And he said that he tried to get the grandkids to start calling her "Big Momma."  Near the end of the show Paula was getting furious with his comments and just turned around and told to "shut the hell up!"  She said it was funny the first twelve times, but now it's getting on her nerves.

In the end Paula said that she believes God will forgive her of wicked sense of humor because she believes that God loves to her laugh, and if you laugh along with her then he loves that sound to.  It was an evening full of laughs so God should have been pleased!

Gorgeous cupcakes from an exhibitor in the lobby